It’s not uncommon to hear about people attempt a digital detox, to disconnect from technology and re-connect with the physical world around us. Many have a sense of unease about the prevalence of tech in our lives and what it means for the future of humanity, but how is it, and specifically the internet, impacting how we behave and interact? Forensic cyberpsychologist Dr. Mary Aiken guides us through how it normalises deviant behaviours, changes our children’s brains, and impacts how we find and maintain love. Published in 2016, thinking has moved on to a certain degree, technology has become even more integrated in our lives, but this remains an important, fascinating read.
Perhaps most compelling are Dr. Aiken’s chapters on babies through to teens. She talks about how parents will often ask about when it’s OK to introduce screens to their infants but almost never ask about how their own screen use impacts their baby’s development and their relationship with them. Her conclusion is that older family members being glued to their phones has huge impacts on their development. A parent staring at their phone while they feed their baby might feel like a natural multi-tasking activity, but it means the amount of eye contact the baby receives is drastically less than previous generations. Missing out on this attachment forming necessity can impact how they function in relationships for the rest of their lives. It’s not just our smartphones, having screens on in the home reduces physical interaction and play with family members which is fundamental to learning and development. Even as the child grows, Aiken explains how they come to see their parents’ smartphones as competition - studies have shown the disappointment they feel when they see their parents waiting at the school gate using their phones. Again, they crave that eye contact and attention.
As to when they should be given their own tech? It’s recommended that there be no screen time before the age of two. Before this time they can’t understand what the screen is showing them and won’t benefit from apps and videos designed to be educational. It can negatively impact their language development, sense of object permanence, and their eyesight, which develops quickly at this age. Teachers increasingly report that 5-6 year olds arrive at school with the communication skills of a 2-3 year old. Aiken reminds us that correlation does not equal causation but strongly suggests that in these instances they may well.
Children who have never been given time to be bored, having devices placed in front of them constantly, naturally grow into teenagers who are not only very comfortable with tech but already quite addicted. Aiken marvels at the blasé attitude to allowing young people free reign of the internet when we know it’s all too easy to stumble into very dark places. She acknowledges that smart phones have made it much more difficult to monitor online behaviour than when a family computer was being used in a communal area of the home. She flags the lack of concern of social media companies who have access to huge amounts of information about all users but claim not to be able to ascertain if a user is underage. Recent announcements of child-friendly versions of apps for users whose age hasn’t been verified would likely be welcomed.
Aiken does not write with judgment of parents using technology to make an already difficult job feel a little easier but acknowledges how susceptible fully developed adult brains are to the addictive tech we carry with us everywhere, let alone those still trying to find their place in the world. The problem, she states, is that you can’t go cold turkey with tech, so integral has it become to our lives, but we must all strive to create healthy habits around it. It doesn’t have to be inevitable that the internet is a place of exploitation and hate. Moderation by those controlling services go a long way. The internet opens up the world and helps people connect where they might otherwise feel alone, yet we willingly give up our privacy and attention for something whose dark side is incredibly bleak. Despite the sometimes alarmist messaging, this doesn’t feel like a book of despair. Aiken offers studies and facts which can help readers decide what role tech plays in their life and re-consider what we sacrifice for convenience.
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